The 2007 Gaelic Lions

In no particular order:

1	Lee Fitzgearld	The man from the garden county was tipped for a call-up to the Micko revolution in order to forge some steel into the heart of the team. Thankfully for the Gaelic Lions he went for a big money transfer to Singapore instead, though rumour has it that a certain microbrewery in Clarke Quay may have been the deciding factor in the negotiations.
2	Sean Hearne	True to Waterford roots, young Sean is delicate and easily damaged. Prone to knocking glasses over on a night out; victims should not expect a replacement. Is the only man that can make a profit from a night on the lash by pocketing round money from other punters. Makes the Cavan contingent look generous.
3	Colin McDonald	Organising free beer for all the Lions and Lionesses has meant his appearance at training has been limited. Actually so has the beer! Still maybe it is accumulating. Is busy arranging GAA broadcasts for all. HINT HINT
4	Owen O’Conner	Brings a bit of Canadian Ice hockey to the game, and is not scared to lead with the elbow. Still the first Yellow is “free”, as he says himself. Has tried to assimilate to the Irish by sitting on his arse in Dublin on the dole for eight months before tactfully returning just before the Games. Ahh, the dedication.
5	Peter Ryan	The ever optimistic, helpful and gracious supporter, impartial referee, inspiring coach and part-time footballer, a man so wise he should almost have been christened Solomon. All those years (must be 50) in the game certainly give him his edge, but one must wonder how Dublin football has scaled such lofty heights since his departure for far away shores.
6	Gareth O’Brien	Ripped his spleen out in a last-ditch attempt to lose weight; worked only temporally as his overweight frame still caused his knee to give in. Or is the whole thing a desperate attempt at attention from a man shamelessly not shy to admitting to using sympathy and pity to gain the attention of ladies? Harsh but fair.
7	Lincoln Palmer	As fit as a fiddle, has decided to put aside the rough and tumble of touch rugby to concentrate on the more manly sport of Gaelic, even though there is still some (alleged) confusion over the method of tackling to be adopted. An excellent wind-up merchant who has even been known to leave Healo speechless at times.
8	Mark Crosbie	This long-serving Lion is an occasional visitor to training. One of life’s gentlemen and a great big softie, don’t let his tough, put-on exterior fool you, even though he’d flatten you quicker than look at you. Often claims that such none-too-rare occurrences are as a result of poor timing due to lack of practice, but don’t be fooled: if he hit you, he meant it!
9	Fred Molenaar	The Flying Dutchman is also allegedly on the books of the Bangkok, Bangalore and Hilversum GAA teams – and we wouldn’t be surprised to hear there were a few more too. An occasional visitor to Singapore with a 100% training record when he is in town, apparently the Singapore and Dutch revenue each thinks he lives in the other place. More luck to him.
10	Alan Power	Likes to be compared to Michael Owen, although probably not because he is constantly complaining and always injured. If the rest of the club moaned at his bad hands as much as he moaned about bad passes, the roar over SMU would be deafening. All hope for a newer happier Alan have gone again this year.
11	Killian Pattwell	Killian’s general warm-up before any training session is a ten km run from work, so as you can imagine the rest of us mortals are left in his wake. Has been known to lap certain players at training five times over! Speed only works in straight lines however; turns with the agility of a tugboat on his own lovely Lee. Can now be classed as an (another) elder statesman of the team after just hitting the big 30.
12	Fred Rees	Fried Rice has been putting his extensive League of Ireland experience to good use in the service of The Lions for a few years now. Plagued with injury recently, however, and a demanding travel schedule, the Lions’ veterans’ team is praying for a return to full fitness for Fred in plenty of time for their (in?)famous “static defence” to be reprised at Singapore 2007.
13	Adrian O’Doherty	With his new set of chops, this man is chomping at the bit to play ball this weather. The Man in Black has had to park up the private jet to Bangkok these last few weeks to concentrate on the footie. Brings Cork class to the side in much need of it! Keeps talking about Cork being the city of culture, but was caught out when admitting he’d thought Canaletto was a pasta.
14	David Weir	His tendency to disappear to Asian party locations and return weeks later have led to this man having his passport revoked in the final weeks before the competition. Donnacha’s recommended regime of high powered training and clean living does not gel well with Dave’s occupation as a Guinness Brand Ambassador (a.k.a. horsing back pints of the black stuff in bars all over Singapore). In true Asian spirit he is balancing the Yin and Yang really well and is rightly burning the candle at both ends.
15	Darryl O’Dwyer	Club mates are divided as to best nickname, “Hong Kong Fuey” or “Clark”, both seem fitting for this mild mannered tribesman off the pitch who turns into well something else on it. Either way, tights/capes/kimonos are not allowed in GAA. His recent lack of actual physical appearances at training and constant e-mail/calls and letters demanding money be paid to his account have prompted some less charitable Lions to propose “The Nigerian“ as a more fitting nickname.
16	Neil Steffensen	Often confused for Olympic athlete John Steffensen (and its not just the hair) Neil , or “Sasquatch” as we like to call him, is living breathing proof that the Vikings did in fact make it to Australia. Can be found late nights in Attica with three jugs of “whiskey & green tea”, training for the next morning's combination 150 km bike ride, 10 km swim, and pig roast. Don't make the mistake of under-estimating the stamina of this perpetually disheveled Lion.
17	Sean Duggan	A stalwart of this club, Sean is one of few dual-stars this year, obviously hoping his extremely high fitness levels will see him right. Always wears the Cork jersey with pride, to the point where he neglects the rest of his attire. Please get new shorts Sean, lest Stevie Keane starts sending in fashion tips…
18	Michael Smith	For the future of the Irish nation, we hope that this “accidental” diplomat finds a softer touch in diplomatic dealings with Asian nations that he displays on the playing field. While the guns are now out of reach for the south Armagh boys, the terror tactics are still strongly in evidence for this Armagh man on the football field. Whoever said Ulstermen can only pull and drag were wrong; this Ulsterman can pull, drag, bite, kick and scream the opposition into submission.
19	Tristan Fusinato	Returns to the Gaelic fold after a few years in Australia working on the pecs. It has been told that his knees have a particular affinity for Japanese heads — Kev Morgan look out. Look for his famed “don’t argue” to be delivered to opposition players and coaching staff a-like. According to his fiancé apparently does magic tricks when drunk??? Too much information thanks Grace.
20	Brendan Wisely	Hard-tackling Leitrim man Wisely has been working down in Oz recently; hence the low injury count in Lions training this year. Is employed as a “consultant” by contact sports team in gay Brizzie to toughen up the Aussie puffs. How committed is he? Has recently pulled his hair out by the roots, allowing his head/brain (whatever’s left) to get fried quicker so he in “game on” all the time. Will leave his mark, fist, studs or teeth on any opponent in the games.
21	John Melia	This man serves as a great discouragement to a strict training regime. While others show up to every training session and make little or no progress, John manages to show up once a month and be vastly improved on every outing. Whatever kind of acrobatics he gets up to on the regular jaunts to Australia are paying great dividends. A large force to be reckoned with in the middle of the park.
22	John Maguire	Ex Irish army special forces man, Rambo Maguire, as likely to kill you as pass you the ball. Always has his blackberry to hand, hence the passing accuracy and one-handed saves. Uses spurious excuses like “I lived in Oz for 30 years” to explain his interest in non-Gaelic games like rounders and naked gay twister. If he could only free up two hands, could be mighty at the games.
23	Liam Burke	Well this lily white isn’t afraid to fight. Enter the burko boiler to the half back line. Fuelled on bourbon and an age-old village tradition, Liamo isn’t afraid to get the slaps in. Hungry as a greyhound behind the midfield mayhem, he`ll be looking to these Asian games with relish.
24	Peter Sheridan	There are Dubs and then there is “THE DUB”. One of the more experienced Lions, he has actually played his share of football too. The Dub, and his subtle sense of humour, was sorely missed last year in Shanghai as ALL the bars on Ju Lu Lu will attest. Opposition beware, cause he can't claim "the wife won't let me travel" this year! The “Bard of Barse” will be looking to add to his vast collection of “Top Scorer of the Tournament” trophies. Unfortunately, was not able to attend training, due to the high demands of working in the office (SODs)
25	Graham Michael Howlett	Known better as Howle or Michael after losing his name to a rouge game of pool in China One. From the sport of rugby, Howle has adapted to Singapore and GAA well after spending most of his life as a hooker!! When out is known to suffer from necrophilia, or is that narcolepsy (always get that wrong)? His pad in Singers has remained empty due to his liking for the rounder woman.
26	Matt Wall	The man with no name, eh I mean no shirt. Always seems to want to play matches without it. Maybe to avoid the referee taking his number. This Canadian only started playing Gaelic last year and did enough to make the 1st team. Watch out if you happen to be in the vicinity of some of Singapore’s large drains, he tends to end up in them instead of above and outside them, but never spills his drinks!!
27	Kevin Spencer	Another of our all-star Dubs, takes pride in being a complete banker! The “Adder” can often be found in Molly's wearing his “1957: A lorry load of volunteers” t-shirt , slugging Vodka cranberry, calculating interest rates in his head, all while scheduling beatings for late payments. Wasn't able to make it to training this year cause he says he forgot. Luckily, he's got God given fitness and snake like scoring skills from anywhere, and I do mean anywhere, on the pitch.
28	Aidan Healy	Vying for his third consecutive title as Singapore's top model, Aidan walks the catwalk with pride, despite being banned for life from Singapore's one and only biker bar for assaulting the toilets. The man mountain is facing some stiff fashion competition from Ger Hanley's imported wardrobe this year though... But we have every confidence that Aidan's fluorescent Crocs, fuzzy headband, rhodium plated neck chain, and collection of wife-beater t-shirts will see him through the weekend.
29	Donnacha Rahill	In the fundamentalist world of Singapore Gaelic Football, Donnacha is the Ayatollah. Explodes into training with a fervour that has resulted in many a Lion wet their shorts, with the rest doing so once he gives a drill demonstration. Rumoured he knocked out his granny when it looked like he would lose their Sunday afternoon draughts match.
30	Graham Dowd	Aka Graham “I’ll ride yea” Dowd. Big, bold and well…Dowdy isn’t your typical guy. Gentlemanly and polite both on and off the pitch. His eloquent language and panache leaves ladies in awe, referees in amazement and the rest of the world wondering “ I can’t believe the muppet just said that”.
31	Eamonn O'Keefe	Heard that hurling was being introduced at this year’s games, so decided to move the family lock, stock & barrel to Singapore for one last chance to revive past glories. Even managed to explain to customs & immigration that a keeper’s hurley the size and weight of an industrial frying pan was in fact sporting equipment. No truth to the rumour that Eamonn doubles as Joe's bodyguard on the occasional night out, or is it the other way round. All may be revealed at Sunday night bash....
32	Cian Coffey	As the youngest member of the hurling panel, Cian drags the average age of the group below 60-ish. Looking to finally make dad Mick's wish for a hurler in the family come true, even if they had to move to Singapore for this. Has been known to take Mick out on the pitch during training, possibly for dragging him along to train with this particular bunch of reprobates, or maybe just purely accidental ?!?
33	Cormac O'Muircheartaigh	A swift, dapper, smooth mover, both on and off the pitch. Unlike his father, Cormac sadly has a face strictly for radio. Thus far, the poor man’s Dr Nick Riviera (from The Simpson’s fame) has not been sued by any of the patients he has swindled, maimed, or given useless or dangerous medical advice to. We’re still waiting.
34	Gary O'Callaghan	Another legendary Cork man, never shy and fond of a good night out. Newton Circus is the place to catch this ga’soon at eh, 5am most weekends. Always a keeper and recently a self styled keeper cum sweeper, running back etc etc. Walk on and on and on, Jonnie Walker style
35	Cahir O'Neil	Odds-on to receive an Oscar at the end of the games. Do not be alarmed! Land mines have not been planted in the polo grounds or snipers are not firing from roof tops down onto this innocent GAA martyr as, in true Tyrone football/Hollywood style, Cahir will be able to throw himself onto the deck at even a sneeze from the opponents water carrier.
36	Paraic McGrath	On top of organising logistics for Beijing 2008, London 2012, Castlebar 2016, plus the initial planning for the first manned flight to the sun and back (via Achill), Mayo's finest has found time to balloon the kick-out into the chest of shocked full forwards more times than the rabble can remember. In fairness, has sadly pissed off said forwards an equal number of times by getting various parts of his frame in the way of numerous goal of the season contenders.
37	Mark Gailey	If you can’t trust a skinny chef, what are we to make of a food and beverage manager who never eats food and can’t handle beverages? Sadly can’t even be said to talk a good game. Even while compos mentis, as tactful as Gerry Adams and as belligerent as Dr Paisley. Only comes to training when clandestine excursions to Thailand fall through. Can be expected to miss sitters but boot them over from impossibly tight angles with equal regularity. Nothing less than some silverware expected.
38	Barry Martin	One half Spanish, one half hero. Geographically from Cavan, lost somewhere between the 45 and the goal mouth .Our man from Kingscourt (oh to be in Dun na Ri…) is preparing well for the onslaught of lovely ladies arriving for the Asian games. With a lethal right boot and immaculate grooming, the ladies will be wondering of the whereabouts of this man for years to come.
39	John Galvin	Longford and GAA normally mix about as well as downing pints of Guinness and going on the pull, but this Captain and inspirational leader of the Bs defies convention. Megalomania extends beyond shouting at the Bs. Offer to come round to his gaff for free pints turned out to be a tour of the brewery. Start as you mean to go, he said (luckily out of Donnacha’s earshot). Couldn’t understand why anyone would want to re-hydrate on anything other than Cold Flow…
40	Joe Lynch	The man with only one shoulder (that works at least). A little terrier on the pitch and a real speedster. If you can catch this guy, you are fast. Fond of the Aussie’s !! and likes to mix it up with guys twice his size. Working on his shooting all the time! Plays hurling as well – Joe with a stick, a scary thought.
41	Tim Marshall	Another goal keeper, this man has kept a low profile since he tied the knot. Something to do with the misses throwing out all sporting related equipment… Has been busy looking after a recent addition to the family. Has shown up for the odd blitz and a wombat game. Hopes are high for a dazzling comeback during this year’s games. Failing that, that he’ll be allowed out at all…
42	Paul Prendergast	Or “Paul Prendergast, Chairman” as he introduces himself. Has used his lofty status and fancy title to excuse a quite frankly appalling training attendance record. However his fancy title and position have not affected his dirty play and constant moaning when he actually gets on the pitch.
43	Andrew Conley	Vastly improved training attendance this year, puts it down to the relaxing of the no weapons rule. However has been disappointed he cannot continue with the Hurly for football sessions. Look out for his Kevlar body armour that he wears on and off the pitch; rumor has it he acquired after a particular viscous night in the Tanjong Pagar area of Singapore.
44	Daryl Prince	His reputation as a hard uncompromising tackler and last line of defence has been in no way weakened by the sight of him running the jogging track with the pram. Will have a point to prove and his hard man reputation to inforce in June
45	Liam McCance	After missing last year’s tournament with injury had some concerns that being unsure of the rules would hold him back. Of course we all know this not to be the case, our refs don’t know the rules, and expect “Barry” to be hauling down anyone who gets near him come late June.
46	Paul Carpenter	Successfully avoided half the training season with some small excuse about getting married or something. Now back and with a hamstring that has lasted over the usual weekly period is ready to cause serious pain to any opposing attacker
47	Laurence Kearney	Will be hugely missed come the games not just for his endless running but for his helpful advice which always seems to involve pulling the player to the ground. Has stated will stop attending weddings for that weekend when the games go back to Manila....
48	Dave Smeed	Inexplicably seems to enjoy physio pain. But if he gets himself ready for the games, he is well able to catch a ball, next just get the kicking part and we could be looking at a formidable player
49	Glyn Carroll	Aiming to hold the record for the person to turn up latest at training, taking on and off his football boots makes up 66.5% of Glyn's overall training period — that's half the time in any Laois man’s book.
50	Ger Hanley	Is known more for his attire on the pitch than his performances on it. His shorts – which are more like a pair of tight speedos, are so old that they where actually present at Croke Park the last time Mayo won an All-Ireland. Ger is our main forward for the Asian games who can kick with both feet – neither of which are any good, so God help us!! Can always be seen out and about off his head on his $12 a pop Sprite.
51	Andrew Sharkey	From the same Meath footballing village that gave us greats such as Giles, Hayes, O’Rourke and McDermott but that’s about as good as it gets folks, although comparisons have been made with Side Show Bob. Part of the headband gang along with Mr. Smith – who also gets his hair groomed in the same saloon.

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	Fri 21-Nov-08 Club News: GAA News...